Why Does Change Feel So Damn Hard?

Why can you know exactly what you want to change and still find yourself falling back into the same patterns?

In this episode, I’m talking about why change can feel so damn hard, even when the change is something you genuinely want.

But first, I’m taking you behind the scenes of what August has been teaching me in real time. I’m currently being challenged to expand into the belief that of course things work out in my favor, of course good things happen to me, and if something doesn't work out the way I expected, maybe something better is in the works.

And let me tell you... that sounds lovely in theory. Living it when there’s real uncertainty on the table is a whole different story.

That conversation leads us into the heart of this episode: our brains love what is familiar.

I walk you through the analogy of two paths. One is paved, predictable, beautiful, and familiar. The other is covered in pricker bushes, unclear, uncomfortable, and unknown.

Even when we know the second path leads where we want to go, our brains often urge us toward the first simply because we know what happens there.

That can look like continuing to people-please even though you desperately want boundaries. Staying quiet instead of asking for the promotion. Picking up the cigarette. Spending the money. Going back to the habit you promised yourself you'd stop.

Not necessarily because you're lazy, weak, unmotivated, or incapable of changing, but because you're human.

And when we understand what's actually happening underneath our behavior, we can stop wasting so much energy beating ourselves up and start asking better questions.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why familiarity can feel safer to your brain, even when the familiar behavior isn't serving you

• My "paved path vs. pricker-bush path" analogy for understanding behavior change

• Why the first few times you choose a new response can feel especially difficult

• How your inner dialogue, beliefs, identity, and nervous system can either make that new path harder or help you feel more resourced to walk it

• The questions I use to uncover what's actually underneath behaviors like people-pleasing

• Why changing an identity or belief can initially feel inauthentic or even bring up imposter syndrome

• What it means to "hold the tension" between an old identity and the person you're becoming

• Why momentum can make change easier, and where 21- or 30-day challenges can fall short

• Why change doesn't always have to take forever or feel painfully hard

• How a coach or mentor can help you see the blind spots that are incredibly difficult to see from inside your own perspective

Most importantly, I want this episode to give you a little more grace the next time you find yourself thinking:

Why is this still so hard for me? Why can't I just do the thing? Why do I keep going back to the same pattern?

Instead of making it mean something about who you are, get curious.

What identity would make this change easier?

What do I need to believe about myself to choose differently?

What is the other voice in my head saying about this change?

What am I making it mean?

And what resources would help me feel more equipped to walk the unfamiliar path?

Because having a hard time changing doesn't automatically mean you're failing.

Sometimes, you're simply walking through the pricker bushes for the first few times and creating a path that hasn't become familiar yet.

Cheers to never settling.